The astronaut and the archaeologist
What if some seasons of our life are about discovering who we are while other seasons are about remembering who we are?
Seasons of discovery might reveal what we are capable of: we could quit that job, self-advocate to our boss, set a boundary, articulate what we really need, move across the country, risk being a beginner at something we want, and so on. We find new worlds, like an astronaut. Seasons of discovery might seem utterly obvious to ourselves and/or those around us. Or they might catch us by surprise.
Seasons of remembering imply that something was forgotten or has become less accessible. Perhaps life has changed and hidden essential parts of us. Maybe there’s a pandemic, the current President is a greedy Godzilla who doesn’t value human and planetary life, and the grief, pain, and chaos feels like too much. (As a random example.) You have to become an archaeologist of your own life to recover what's buried.
Seasons of discovery move us towards something new; seasons of remembering move us towards something familiar.
I’ve been thinking about this distinction as I’ve had the slow realization that I’m in a season of remembering: a time of trying to awaken parts of myself that feel dormant.
My first indicators I might be in this type of season was I noticed a lot of self-doubt, second-guessing, and indecision. I felt distracted yet desired intentional focus. I was having trouble going deep into my feelings, yet there was a discernible longing for more. When I dared to look directly at my longing, it wasn’t only new that I was dreaming of: it was a reconnection with values and ways of being that I felt far from.
One morning, I caught my gaze in the bathroom mirror and I heard a small voice inside say: “Remember who you are!” It’s a bit of a relief to think I might have the answers I’m seeking, if I’m willing to look deeper. Yet daunting too and requires bravery to get super honest with myself.
As I’ve allowed this message to grow louder, it’s helped me realize that my life isn’t quite “right-sized” for me right now. My life feels too small. I intentionally made it small, slowed down, spent years unwinding from hyper-productivity, and the pandemic shrunk it down further…and now I think I'm ready to expand again. I'm currently trying to find the right-size for my passions, profession, and whole self, and my instinct says it will happen more through reconnection than through major upheavals of self and life.
I’ve also found myself reflecting on the expression of “getting back” to ourselves. This can be such a pernicious phrasing especially when it comes to aging and our bodies. i.e: Back to a smaller, more fit version of me! Back to how I looked a decade ago! Back before grey hairs and wrinkles! And so on.
But there seems to be a more benign version of this idea that’s about returning to something core and steady: a reconnection that’s not about never feeling good enough. It makes me think about what adrienne maree brown has discussed, the concept of being satisfiable. We can want to return to parts of ourselves without it meaning we are unable to be satisfied. We can remove endless striving and self-criticism from this equation.
It’s knowing what wants to be fiercely solid: what parts lovingly demand deepening, attention, and a lifetime of maintenance.
I am satisfiable AND I am unsatisfied right now. And tuning into that truth gives me the opportunity to understand what needs to shift back (versus what might want to shift in new directions).
What does it take to rediscover, reclaim, and return to essential parts of who we are?
I’m facing myself and starting this uncomfortable work (with my coach) because I’m clear that we are in a global moment where remembering who we are and what we stand for is essential.
Some of the things I stand for are: community, possibility, generosity (enough for all), self-expression, humans getting to exist as themselves, creativity, basic human rights, joy, the world being equitable, imperfection, repair, and rest.
I am in the process of finding ways for those values to reverberate through my life more strongly – to take up space, to feel more alive.
And I'm inviting the archaeologist into numerous parts of my life. I'm paging through my old planners, journals and writing to see what they reveal. I'm walking around my home inspecting the souvenirs I’ve collected on trips, the sentimental objects I surround myself with, the art that hangs on my walls. Who is this person and what do they care about? I peak in my fridge, rustle through my pantry as if it has critical clues. (It might.)
I’m in conversation with my platonic soulmates. I'm doing core values work with my coach (naturally).
My mom sends me a photo of a bin full of my old sports trophies (#millennial) that she found in a corner of the basement – is this who I am? I think yes, but only so far as it says something about my engagement, my participation.
I’m facing myself. I’m trying to listen.
It’s feeling a bit too navel-gazing at times but this is how I imagine I’ll get grounded.
We might have to acknowledge we have gotten a little lost to find ourselves again.
What do you stand for?
What do you need to remember about who you are?
We morph and grow throughout our lives. Our authenticity can expand to mean new things in different eras. We might welcome change or feel forced into it. If we find ourselves stumbling through a a season of life, it could be an invitation to look within and seek out our personal solid ground.
We can think of these unwavering parts of self as a personal north star or compass, guiding us back when we are pulled too far off course.
There is so much that can pull us from center and limit our capacity to access the parts of us we need. Including:
External and internal noise.
The chatter of saboteurs.
A time of abundant opportunities, inspiration, and ideas combined with a lack of checking in with self.
Decision fatigue.
Being overly influenced by others.
Experimenting with a change without assessing fit and value alignment.
Illness and health challenges.
The state of things (gestures around).
Distractions, avoidance, numbing out, scrolling on our tiny devices.
Lack of rest and recharge or the pace of life feeling off and not making adjustments.
Not practicing consulting our inner compass/north star.
There are so many reasons we forget!
And there are so many reasons to remember and return!
We return to acknowledge our longing.
We return to grow stronger in facing ourselves.
We return to live from a place of honesty.
We return to grow self-trust and self-belief.
We return to feel more present and engaged in our life.
We return to show ourselves that we can reclaim: that our evolutions move in all directions.
At this point, as a human and as a coach, I’m encouraged rather than completely terrified by how much we change and evolve in our lifetime. I hope to be a part of helping my clients grow their capacity as they face the swell of something shifting. Whether it’s shifting into something completely new or easing back into something familiar but forgotten.
May we have the courage to discover, to return, and to remember as often as needed. May we grow in all our dimensions.
